Final Blog Entry: Reflection

When I stop to reflect on the entries I have written in this blog, mainly the ones I have done outside of class, I notice that it has been a pivotal part of a healing process for me. Going through something as tragic as having my whole town ripped apart on my graduation day (of all days!) is something that will take me the rest of my lifetime to cope with. However, being able to write about it, whether other people read it or not has been a way for me to express my feelings and deal with the issues I have. I want to thank you, Mrs. A., for putting us up to a project like this. I have always considered myself a good writer, but I believe this has made me better. It has definitely made it easier for me to find things to write about. Then, once I have that idea it is easier for me to put it into words, and type them into my computer. I am the type of writer that longs for an emotional connection to my work; It makes it easier to write, and I feel I do a better job if I do. I do plan on continuing to write, it may not be every day, but it has now become sort of a coping mechanism for me. Thank you, again.

An Essay: I believe in growth!

My 'This I Believe' essay that I wrote is something that I'm very proud of! I felt the need to post it on here so that others could read it. From the comments that I recieved from classmates it seemed that I affected them in a postive way, making them step back and take a look at their own lives. I absolutely love this! I love helping other people and allowing them to see a different perspective on things. To me, a majority of things in life depend on  perspective and how you approach situations. If you choose to go into things with a 'woe is me' attitude it's not going to result in a postive outcome. However, if you go into things with an open mind I believe you will find things turn out much better! So, here is my essay, please comment and let me know what you think!

I believe in growth.

“Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.” - Benjamin Franklin. Growth is an essential part of our life in all different ways. I believe in growth physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally.   Without growth we remain a child, always relying on others for support. Let’s start from the beginning:

When you were a child, learning to walk, it didn’t just happen. You had to learn to crawl and  build your muscles; when you had enough strength you stood up for the first time. In the beginning you had the support of your family, holding you by the hands while you tried to gain your balance. After you accomplished the task of balance you tried walking on your own.  Once you figured out that landing on your face isn’t a fun thing, you chose to grow and learn to walk. You tried and tried again; you fell. You even experienced scratches and bruises, but slowly, you built your courage. Then, eventually, you did it; you grew from a baby that could crawl, to a toddler that could walk.

When you had mastered the art of walking, you grew into running, and then you grew into sports. When you grew into school, you began to form relationships with friends, and that was a major step in your life. You formed bonds with other people, and as you grew older those bonds grew stronger. Those bonds were tested, some of them broken. After you experienced the heartbreak of losing friends, you grew to know who to trust in your relationships. The more time you spent with a person the more they rubbed off their actions and opinions on you, and vice versa. Before you knew it, you not only began to think like each other, but also act like each other. You learned to know the way they: walked, talked, cleaned, and cooked. You grew together, and became one soul.  Together, you lived your lives – always connected, forever intertwined. However, this could not last forever. You had to face another growth spurt, and let go of that person.

You learned to grow on your own, not relying on others anymore. After being let down by other people in certain situations you came to understand that you, and only you, could control your life. You became strong in your values, opinions and knowledge. However you did not go through life alone, you kept friends, co-workers, and family all around you. Through them you experienced other cultures, music, food, and religions. They became less of a crutch and more of a wheelchair: when you were younger you needed people to support you. However, now, you allowed them to transport you into a different place where you could learn new things!

 You no longer needed other people to live – you grew to live for other people. Suddenly, it wasn’t about just your life, it became about others. Like a climax in a story plot, you grew to the highest point of your life. When you reached this point in your growth, you decided to help others grow as well. You looked towards the younger generation, and you told them of your mistakes, in hopes that they wouldn’t make the same ones. However, you knew that they had to go through tough situations in order to grow themselves.

You watched the younger generation grow, as you grew older. While growing older, you also grew wiser and smarter in your ways. People looked toward you for advice because of your strength that had continued to expand over the years. You had encountered some things that people never live to see. Those events made an impression on your soul and made you stronger than you were before. Every time you had a chance to grow - whether it was mentally, spiritually, physically, or emotionally – you took the chance. A new job, something you had never done before, but you conquered it in a short period of time. You ran a marathon to raise money for Cerebral Palsy. You went to a Sunday school class to grow with your God. A realization that you had to let go of the people you love was the hardest one for you to get over, but with time you grew to overcome that, too.

In our life, we encounter tough times that knock us down so that, when we stand back up we are stronger and better than before. Too often people tend to overlook the bad times and focus on the good. They can choose not to reflect on the past because they’re scared of failure, or of someone else noticing their flaws. However, if you don’t stop to reflect on past mistakes you’re going  to end up making the same mistake again, if not more than once. In order to grow and improve ourselves as a person, and emotionally, we must take time to focus on our flaws; to see what mistakes we are making, and to correct them. If we don’t achieve growth then we never fully appreciate what life has to offer. Take time to stop and experience different things and seize every opportunity to grow and expand as a person, because it’s only then that you will be fully satisfied in life.

In Memoriam: Will Norton

Though I wasn't extremely close with Will I did have him in two of my classes. One of them, my English AP class he sat one row over and a seat in front of me. For a semester of my Chemistry 2 class, (he ended up dropping the class at semester) he sat right behind me. Through both of those classes I could have reached out and touched him. It kills me that I never did, because now I no longer have the opportunity to. Will was the quintessential 'All American' boy. Though he didn't play any sports he was extremely smart, friendly to everyone he met and he was advanced at anything that involved computers or cameras. The best part about Will is he always had a smile on his face! There wasn't ever a day where I could tell that he was stressed or worried about anything other  than just enjoying the day that God had blessed him with. He was the best Christan I have ever met, though he never forced his views or opinions on anyone else. He gave everyday of his short life to God and let him accomplish things that few people will ever have the chance to achieve. In the 18 years that Will lived he did everything he had wanted to accomplish: he got to see the great wildebeest migration when he traveled to Africa; he got accepted into Chapman University, one of the most prestigious film schools in the country; while traveling with the Constitution Team to Washington D.C. for National competition he rallied with others outside the White House after the announcement had been made that Osama Bin Laden was dead; he met his idol, Kat Von D, who would later do a drawing in his memory.

At his Celebration of Life ceremony, his family chose to show a compilation of his videos to basically allow Will to narrate his own funeral. It also showed his complete joy in life. Below is one of my favorite videos that they showed. I think it captured the essence of Will perfectly. He was always energetic and happy, and that definitely shines in this video.

I wish that I had taken the time to do more things with Will when he was still here. However, I know that one day sooner than I think I will meet with him again. At that time we will have an eternity to celebrate our lives and spend time  together. Now, I just try to live my life the same way will did: giving everyday to God, and basking in the joy and happiness of everyday that he gives to us.

Rebuilding: A Work in Progress

Outside the Lines: Joplin Eagles

The video above shows only a small part of the recovery process in Joplin. I was hoping to catch it on tv when it aired Sunday morning. However, I got called into work early and was unable to watch it. When I checked my Facebook later that day I found that someone had posted this link to the video. Between Sunday and now 9 of my friends have also posted links to the video, including me. I got up the nerve to watch it tonight, and cried a couple times through it. Tears of joy, admiration and some of sadness. Quinton's story is one that I never fully knew until last weekend when I visted for the homecoming game. Watching him walk out onto our field, holding hands with the rest of his captains was a moving experience. Hearing his name announced as a captain, even though he wasn't playing was even more emotional, for me. It was great to know that even though he couldn't play, he was still considered a pivotal role in the team. All of the players look up to him as a beacon of strength and courageousness, and I greatly admire that. Though his parents are gone, and him and his sister are seperated - living in two different houses, he is still strong. It takes a lot to go through something as traumatic as he did, and still be grounded and strong.
Being back at the football game last Friday night was an amazing feeling! You could tell that everyone felt a little better sense of normalcy in being there. Since the other venues for sporting events were destroyed the school has had to find alternate places to hold games and tournaments. Though the teams are formed most of the players aren't together anymore since the schools are seperated by classes. While the players generally see each other at practice daily, they aren't getting the bonding time they would normall recieve if they were all in one central location for 7 classes, every day. The football field is the only place that everything is the same: the players, cheerleaders, band, students, and parents. I guess you could say that it all feels right. Everything is in it's place, just as you left it pre-tornado.
The rebuilding in Joplin is still a major work in progress, and will continue to be for a number of years. The high school and St. Johns still stand (or sit in rubble, may be a better term to use for the high school). Demolition has yet to begin on either plot of land, as the final details are still being discussed with the city. I hope that the process of tearing down, and eventually rebuilding will begin soon. I look forward to hearing great things later this week, as Extreme Home Makeover visits Joplin. They plan on rebuilding 7 houses in 7 days, with the help of volunteers throughout the city.  I wish that I could go down to help but my work and school schedule just won't allow me to.
I can still say that I am proud to be from Joplin, and I believe I always will be. It is so interesting to see how one major event can change your entire perspective on things! When I walked across the stage at graduation I was so excited to be moving on and taking the next step in my life. I had planned to move to Springfield at the end of the summer. I was ready to get out of Joplin and its small town ways and meet new people. All my life I had dreamed about getting out of Joplin and doing bigger and better things. However, after the tornado hit I felt very guilty (and still do) for leaving my hometown in such a state. I long everyday to be back in my hometown helping rebuild with everyone else. I can't wait to go back home and get settled again, and live my life where I grew up.

Main Street Drag

As I turn onto 9th and Main St, the cruising drag in Joplin, I am filled with joy as I see people I know! Cars line both sides of the street. Some are new and flashy: a couple Camaro's; others trashed and filled with junk; jacked up trucks, blaring country music; sporty race cars bumping loud bass systems; on a good night there will be anywhere from fifteen to twenty crotch rockets. The sounds of screeching tires and engines roaring fills my ears. I hear people yell random things from various cars, many of them are guys cat-calling some of the girls. As it passes I hear a truck's exhaust flare up, then I'm instantly covered in pollution and the smell of smoke. I make a stop down at the gas station at C and Main. I talk to a few people congregating around, the clerk inside eying them wondering if he should call the cops. I walk inside make a right turn open up the 3rd door from the right and grab a Red Diamond Sweet Tea. On a hot, summer night there is nothing more soothing on your parched throat. As I walk to the counter I get out two dollars from my pocket, waiting in line to be helped. The clerk and I exchange some words, getting details on how the past week has been. I return back outside to see cars constantly driving into the lot, circling around, checking for cops, then peeling out in order to catch everyone's attention. The sound of burnouts and squealing tires is something we have all heard before, but we instinctively look up every time we hear it again.

My Weekend vs. Perfect Weekend

This weekend,  I did what I usually do: work, work and work some more. I worked 6.5 hours Friday night with my two favorite people, Tyler and James. Then came in Saturday and worked 4.5 hours for lunch and another 4.5 to close. Sunday I went back to work another 4.5 hours. Saturday we were busy as usual. I got to meet Chelsie, who normally works during the day, when she does actually show up for work. She had some obvious problems, that I wish not to discuss on here. She worked for about a half hour, then went home. Saturday night was interesting! Tyler, our driver, almost got into a fist fight with someone he had supposedly 'cut off' in the parking lot. This gentleman was showing some major signs of steroid rage, and eventually calmed down and realized that the whole situation was a complete mistake. Sunday was an extremely busy day at work! I think by the end of lunch shift we ended up doing $1,200 in sales, if not more. On top of that we were short-handed, and one of the gentlemen working has a mental disability so that only made things move slightly slower, no offense to him.

The perfect weekend to me would be one that involved lots of relaxing and laying around. The weekend of fall break was very close! I took off of work, went back home to Joplin and spent time with friends and family. The best part was not having to worry about work, school or anything else! The ability to relax mentally and physically was amazing! Plus, I was home! It was so nice to be back home, even though it didn't look the same, and I wasn't necessarily in my home. I cannot wait to move back and be back there permanently. The only thing that could have made that weekend better is if I had gotten the chance to see some more of my friends. Most of the people I went to high school with moved on to bigger universities and didn't have their fall break until this week. Therefore, most of them weren't home. I did manage to go back to a football game and see some old teachers and friends. I greatly enjoyed being home again, and relaxing! An alternative to a perfect weekend would be a beach vacation! I love sitting in the sand and feeling the warmth of the sun on my face while listening to the waves crash upon the beach. On dreary days like these I long for the sunshine and sand! I'm hoping to get to go to Florida (where my mom grew up) this summer. I would love to go for Christmas, but I don't think that will happen until next year, maybe. Taking time off work is never an easy thing to do, but I feel that it's necessary every once in a while to maintain your sanity. All work and no play drives a person crazy!

Hell Weekend: Work Version

I have never pledge in a sorority, though I know that many fraternities and sororities put their pledges through a 'Hell Week'. This weekend at work seemed to me the epitome of 'Hell Weekend' at Jimmy Johns. It was one thing after another, everything that could have possibly gone wrong went terribly wrong!

Friday night: One pivotal event happened this night that started the mayhem of the weekend. Our managers and PIC's (Person in Charge) are the only people allowed to slice, however, they have a major problem with turning the slicer OFF. Many times in a day/night I will see the slicer blade spinning round and round, while no one is at it. My OCD kicks in and I have to turn it off. It's bad on the machine to keep it running and I can only imagine the horror stories we would have if someone was to slip on something and fall into it. Friday night, my manger stepped outside to smoke a cigarette and left the slicer running. Much like usual, I turned it off and kept cleaning. When my manager returned the machine would not start. We fumbled around with it a few times trying everything we could to get it to start: flip the fuse box, reset the machine, change the dial, unplug it, replug it in, change the outlet. Nothing was working! The store manager even came in, despite her screaming child. By this time it was around 11 p.m. and there was nothing we could do to fix it until the morning. Shortly before we close the Illinois girls soccer team came in to order sandwiches, all 30 of them! It had been a crazy night for sales already but the $210 tab pushed us well over our $800 projected night. When we closed at midnight we had done over $1,500 in sales.

Saturday: I returned to work after a few restless hours of sleep to find that our slicer had not been fixed. The Hobart repair man was supposed to come soon. In the mean time, we were down to one pack of cheese, and one pack of beef. We had  no other options but to call another store, at this point we were desperate. My manager called a store on National, they had cheese luckily! While he was on the phone I reminded him that we needed beef, and so did his brother. He left, and returned with only cheese. While he was gone the store got slammed with people. Twenty English soccer players, our usual Saturday crowd, a Tennis team, and even more younger soccer kids and their parents. We were busy making sandwiches but no one had stopped to check bread. It's a daunting task but it is something that has to be maintained for a sandwich shop to do business. If we run out of bread we lose customers, it's that simple. During the day on Saturday we managed to run out of French white bread 3 times, we ran out of beef, and once, we ran out of bread completely: French white bread and 7-grain wheat bread. Add to that: our slicer was still broken and the credit card machine we used for deliveries had also gone out, one employee was a 'no call, no show', and the new employee we had put on register for the rush was not putting tickets up for us to see. Some people waited 30 minutes for sandwiches because we didn't have their ticket, they couldn't remember what they had ordered, and we were out of bread. By the end of the shift, despite all the problems we had still managed to do another $1,500 in sales. Thankfully, when I returned later that night for the end of my split shift it had calmed down significantly. It was a steady night, but nothing too major went down.

Sunday: I went in to work Sunday with one goal on my mind: "Don't run out of ANYTHING today!" I even told the PIC that was her goal for the day! We did not achieve this goal. Some would argue that I jinxed us, I beg to differ. We only ran out of bread once, and quickly got bread from another store. I made a run to get more straws, and cups from a CVS pharmacy right down the road; and another quick trip to exchange $50 for 50 $1 bills. The day was extremely busy, with the English soccer team and the tennis team returning for a second day. Our after church rush was overload, but the crew kept up.

All in all, it was one of the worst weekends to be a Jimmy John's employee! Our store did an incredible amount of business, for whatever reason may be. However, I am extremely glad that I will not be there next weekend to deal with anymore problems that may come up!

Writer's Block

I'm sitting here, as I have the same way for the past two nights, in front of my computer pondering how to write my 'This I Believe' essay. I know that I want to write about angels and how they exist to protect us in our day to day lives. The idea is solid in my head and I have been thinking about it non-stop for two days but I just can't figure out a way to start it. I know that if I can do just that, get it started, the rest of the words will flow effortlessly from my brain to my fingertips. Right now, however, there is something seriously blocking me from doing that. I have two specific moments in my life where I know angels were watching over me: April 25th, 1993 and May 22nd, 2011.

So, I was so frustrated that night that I ended up shutting my computer down and putting in a movie.I'm now returning to my blog to finish my story, and give an end to the anxiously waiting people. I watched 'Something Borrowed', a romantic comedy. This movie made me realize that we grow through life, constantly! We encounter certain situations that push us to a point where we either learn from it, or let it break us. A lightbulb went off in my head and I immediately grabbed my phone and began writing. When I realized the words were flowing effortlessly, I reached below my bed and got my computer. It seemed like days for it to boot up, most likely because I was anxious to begin typing so that I didn't lose my stream of words. I didn't stop typing until I had almost two pages of material. However, I knew that my paper had to be 3-4 pages. I was too tired to continue and vowed that I would come back to my paper in the morning when my brain was refreshed.

The next day in class we ended up watch a TED talks video where the inspirational speaker talked about growth. He stated that, "we needed it to live..." I was so thankful to hear those words because I had been thinking that my essay was just pointless, a endless babble of useless words. At that exact moment I felt that everything I had blurted out into my computer the night before was for a reason! I was inspired to write and after I left class I came home and finished my essay!

Good Habits

I would like to get in the habit of waking up early, like BreAnn. For the past couple of days I have been asleep before midnight and awake around 8 or 8:30. This has given me time to sit down and enjoy my breakfast, and take my time showering and getting ready. It's been nice not having wake up, throw clothes on, eat while I'm driving and be flustered trying to find a parking spot on time to make it to my class. I think I appreciate the day more when I have time to sit and relax rather than be pressured to make a deadline. I'm going to try and make it a habit to get to bed early and wake up earlier than usual. However, I know that come Saturday when I close there will be a kink thrown in the machine. If I close at work I don't get out until 12:30-1 am, then I get home and I'm wide awake and I don't get to sleep until around 2:30-3. I'm tired the next day, and it just starts a horrible cycle of bad things. It isn't something that I can change anytime soon though. I'm stuck with the closing shift, until I switch to days next semester and start a new work and school schedule. Despite this, I'm going to still make an attempt to continue the good habit I've been on, in hopes that it will make life a little more enjoyable. If I'm enjoying the day, I'm happier and nicer to those around me and it just continues a cycle of good things.

Procrastinating

I have a habit of procrastinating, though you told me once that I wasn't procrastinating, rather contemplating ideas. But in all reality I honestly do procrastinate. I will wait until the last possible minute to get up out of bed and rush around getting ready for school or work. I haven't even looked at the 'This I Believe...' essay, let alone start to write my rough draft that's due in two days. I will wait until my grandmother is one day away from coming to see me to begin cleaning my house. I have a problem with procrastinating. The worst part for me is that I KNOW I have it, yet I do nothing to fix it. Try as I might I will always procrastinate. It's like a New Year's resolution, people do it for two weeks then give up. I can attempt to schedule myself and not procrastinate but it never ends up lasting for the long run. There are a few things I don't procrastinate on however: my rent, is always due on time; my gas tank is never empty; and if I'm hungry I never wait to eat. However, these all have consequences to them that are drastic! If my rent isn't paid it is an extra $25 the following day, then it only increases from there. If my gas tank is empty, I can't go anywhere until someone comes to bring me more gas. If I don't eat, I've discovered, I pass out. Procrastination is my weakness. It is also something that I've learned to deal with. I've found that I work better when I'm under pressure. If I know my essay is due Friday and I wait until Thursday to write it, I will most likely write a better essay than I would if I had written it Tuesday. I think it's because I focus more. I know that I have a short amount of time to do something so I block out other distractions. Normally, while sitting and writing an essay I would be watching tv, listening to the radio, or chatting with friends. However, if I know I have to get something done soon I block out all the distractions, and I just sit and write. I always listen to music when I clean, except when I'm in a rush. If I don't have the music I find I get things done faster because I focus more on what I'm doing.

Free Write 9/28

"Get 'from' the day, not just 'through' the day" - Jim Rohn

Another quote I know that goes well with this is, "It's not about the number of breaths you take, it's about how many moments take you're breath away." Life isn't abot just getting through the day it is about learning from it and growing as a person. We all have hard days and easy days, but you learn something new every day! Sieze as many opportunities as you can to learn something new, because it will help you with the next day, and so forth. Life is not about just going through the motions, you have to stop and smell the roses every once in a while. Stop and take time to appreciate life or you'll get to where you have none left regret how you spent it. For me, it's hard to enjoy time that I spend by myself, but once I get in a crowd of people I find myself wishing that I had time alone. Everyday that I spend sitting at home relaxing is a day that I cherish when I find  myself at school among thousands of people. Cherish the time you spend at places, because one day they could be gone and you'll have nothing but the memory left behind. I was overjoyed to be walking out of my high school, saying that I would never go back. Now that it's gone, I wish I had spent just a few more minutes standing among the halls because I can never do that again. Though a new school will be rebuilt it will never be MY school again. Get memories from the day, because those last forever. Take as many pictures and document as much as you can, because that will live on well after you're life is gone. Tell as many stories as you can to younger generations so that you're memories become someone else's memories. Don't just go through the day, live the day! Be happy and enjoy it, because it's one day you can't get back.

Ground Zero

While I was in town on Sunday I gathered up the guts to return to the place where my apartments once stood. I normally stay with my best friend and she lives right down the street, so every time I am in town I am forced to drive by it. However, I have only been there a couple times while the apartments were still standing and the day they tore them down. It's a difficult place to return to, much like the grave of a loved one, or the site of a crash. It has been barely over four months though, and each day I grow stronger in my faith and my ability to cope with the effects and aftermath of the tornado. I decided that it would be a step in the right direction for me to return home. The street was still covered in tree limbs, glass, children's toys and other miscellaneous debris. All the buildings surround it had been demolished, nothing left but foundation, if that.

The woods behind still held siding in the trees, and a bed was left leaning against the tree exactly as it had been before.

My neighbors car was piled with others that had been left behind. I knew that the family was all safe, so I wondered why they hadn't come back for it, but looking at the condition it was in I quickly knew why. Not only was the body of the car beyond repair, but all the windows had been busted out, the inside was covered in debris - it was totaled.

During all of the previous trips I had made back to the apartment we had been inside trying to gather what little things we could from inside the aparment, and in the surrounding areas around it. However, I had not been back into the woods to see if there was anything else hiding in the mess of trees, so I decided I would explore. Before I could even make it into the woods I noticed something that looked extremely familiar, a red fleece blanket. This blanket is one that was meant to be in my mothers bedroom. Eventually it made its way into our living room where I usually fell asleep with it while lying on the couch. Finally it landed on my bed in my room where I would sleep with it every night. It was something that my mom and I continually argued over having. A blanket is not something you necessarily think of as a staple piece but this particular red one, is something that brought back memories for me. To see it rain soaked and discolored struck a chord in my heart.

That red blanket has since been replaced with another red fleece blanket in the living room of my apartment here in Springfield! As I continued to look deeper into the woods I was pleased to find something my mother and I had wondered about ever since the day of the tornado! On the street right next to our aparments were two industrial size dumpsters that the whole complex used to dispose of trash. I stress the fact that these dumpsters were massive! The two walls of my mothers bedroom were destroyed, by what we assumed to be the dumpsters. By process of elimination, we decided there was nothing else that could have ripped the walls compeletely off.

 The dumpsters, however, we never could find! We had hoped that if we found the dumpsters we could find some of my mother's belongings along with it. Much of her room was never recovered because it had been so thrown around in the wind. Looking back between the branches I saw the two blue dumpsters mangled within the brush!

The trip back to the site was just another step in the never ending healing process. I will never be able to forget that day. However, there will be new and better things that will come from it, and I am excited to return to a city that is stronger than ever! I am very lucky and thankful that there were angels among my family watching over everyone and keeping them safe. There is a multitude of different scenarios that run through my head every time I think of that day; things that could have been different than they were, things that kept my family safe. What if: graduation had been at the high school, if it had been earlier or on a different day, if we had been at Cunningham Park for my party, if my mom's boyfriend hadn't stopped at his store, if my dad had left just 2 minutes later, if I hadn't taken my time taking pictures with everyone, if my best friend hadn't freaked out when she heard the sirens. There's a million and one ways that May 22nd could have happened, but I am so greatful that it happened the way it did.

I know that this picture is too big and goes off the page, but I wanted you to see what I saw standing there.

 The barren landscape of the area. The area to the right of my car is where my apartment was at in the complex.

Great Day of Service

This past Sunday I went back home, to Joplin, to help with the Great Day of Service. Great Day of Service itself is a gathering at a local park, with food and music, that is open to the public that has volunteered during the year. This year, however, there was much more volunteers than usual since there was much more to clean up due to the tornado. Officials for the day invited the OTC Culinary students, and the American Culinary Federation to come in and help prepare food for the 5,000 people they were planning on having attend.

When Chef Scritchfield first mentioned this event I was completely on board! Any opportunity I get to go back home is one that I will definitely take. An extra perk was getting school points for doing it as well. Monday in class we worked out the final details, we were to be at Landreth Park in Joplin by 8 am, we would start serving food at 11 am, and should be done and back on the road by 2 pm. I knew that it was going to be a long day, but I didn't expect it to be as long as it turned out to be! I worked until 12:30 Sunday morning then when I got home I was still awake, as I usually am after closing; I didn't end up getting to sleep until around 2:30. My alarm went off much to early at 5:30 blaring upbeat Justin Bieber music hoping to wake me on a cheery, joyful note. I looked outside at the black sky trying to remember the last time I had been up before the sun - to my recollection it had been 5 years! I had not been up that early since the trip I took to New York for modeling, but that's a different story. I peeled myself off my bed, got dressed and headed to McDonald's to get food and Starbucks for a hot chocolate.

By 6:30 I was on the road headed to Joplin running right on schedule. By this time, I've made enough trips back and forth to Joplin to know that at the speed I normally go it takes me exactly an hour to drive there. I headed west, watching the slowly rising sun in my rear view mirror, trying my hardest not to fall asleep at the wheel. I made it to Joplin, stopping before I got to the park to change at a nearby gas station. This event had to have been one of the funniest in my day! To preface this I must say that this particular gas station is one that I have been in probably 200 times in the past year, so I know it well. However, I normally go in at night so I haven't gotten to know the daytime employees well. I walked in, carrying my bag containing my classic, but not fashionable uniform. Headed to the bathroom, out of the corner of my eye, I watched the clerk catch a glimpse at me. It took me less that two minutes to change out of the jeans and fleece jacket that I had on into my checked pants, and chef jacket. I walked out of the bathroom with my apron and hat in hand and caught the clerk look at me, then look again. I chuckled and told her, "Yes, it's the same person, I just changed my clothes!" She laughed, and said back, "Okay! I was just making sure, you looked so different!"

I made it to the park around 7:40, and waited for the others to arrive. Chef Scritchfield had said that he would be there early because he was hauling a hot box on a trailer to the park. I got out of my car, and despite the chill of the fall morning walked around the park to try and find him. He was either invisible or not there, to my surprise. I thought, "Well, maybe he's late." and sat down to wait. Eight o'clock rolled around and Jennifer, another culinary student had showed up, but still no chef. An hour later and Scritchfield had still not appeared, however, a couple more students had. We stood around the park, drinking Starbucks to take the chill out of our bodies for another hour. When 10 am came and Chef was still no where to be found, I was starting to get worried that something was wrong. I knew where they were supposed to be preparing the food so Jenn and I decided that we would drive across town to see what the problem was.

We arrived at the John Q Hammons building to see all the chef's standing around chatting. The ovens weren't on, and there was no food being heated though we were schedule to start serving people in an hour! We went up to talk to Chef Scritchfield and he told us that the service time had been pushed back to noon, and that they were waiting on hot boxes to arrive to transport the food to the park. Around 10:30 the chef's decided to fire up the ovens and begin heating the burritos they had made and wrapped in foil the day before. We were definitely rushing to have everything ready and at the park for service. It was taking 20 to 30 minutes to heat a batch of burritos at a time and we had 2 batches to do. Once they got the burritos heating Jenn and I decided we would head back to the park and let everyone else know what was going on, but not before we made a second stop of the day at Starbucks.

When we returned to the park it was yet a waiting game of standing around, until the burritos arrived. As people started to arrive Jenn and I noticed that the few volunteers they had were having a heck of a time trying to direct traffic. We were searching for something to do, so we walked down to see if they needed any help! Thankfully, the guy was more than happy to sit down and allow us to direct traffic for him. With a sign and two whistles in hand, we cheered up an elderly man by giving him a break, and made the monotonous task of directing traffic the most interesting thing we had done all day. I saw Chef Scritchfield pull in around 11:30 and decided I would walk down to see if he would mind if we continued directing traffic. Luckily he didn't, so back I treked across the park to continue directing traffic.

All in all, I believed we received 6 middle fingers - from some unwilling people. I had one woman personally drive up and roll her window down to complain to me because she followed the crowd to the park and had 'got stuck up there for 20 minutes', when she was simply trying to get home with pizza for her family. I apologized but she wasn't accepting of it. The day got off to a slow start, but ended on some fun times. I was happy to be back home and help serve some of the volunteers that helped with clean up, search and rescue, and rebuilding parts of my hometown.

"Lifted"

I have seen this Disney Short before, mainly because I watch a multitude of Disney movies! Aside from that, I like it! I think everyone has moments in their life like the one this little green dude is having. We're under stress and there are so many things going on we just don't know which way to go. Most of the time we end up being wrong in our actions, and it gets us into a saddened state of mind. However, it just takes one simple gesture from the right person to lift our spirits back up. Then we're back at the wheel of our lives controlling what happens, rather than letting others control it for us.

 The 'man' sleeping in the video reminds me of my Uncle, who is an extremely heavy sleeper. A bomb could probably go off next to his bed flinging him miles away and encasing his body in shrapnel, and he would most likely sleep through it. Don't even get me started on his snoring - you can hear it literally all across the house! That's NOT an exaggeration!

Sometimes I wish aliens were real, because I believe it would lead us into a world much different than ours. I woke up one morning to a show on the History Channel that was about UFOs and I sat and watched almost all of it until I had to go to class. While intriguing as extraterrestrial figures are, I think we would learn more by their ways of living on other planets more than their UFOs. If we could somehow find a way to sustain life on other planets it would change everything that we know today!

Today I choose happiness.

Last night, was just one of those nights. I got into a fight with my father about some things and as I sat in my bed sulking in my own sorrow a thought came to my mind: "Tomorrow is a new day." I pondered that for a while then I chose to go along with it. I knew that I would fall asleep, and wake up to a new day full of happiness, because I wanted it to be. I knew that no matter what had happened last night that today was a new day, meant for new things. It did happen to help that today my best friend, her mother and sister, my Grandpa and Nana are all coming into town. After this class I get to go enjoy lunch with my grandparents at Olive Garden. I get to sit and have endless salad and bread sticks with alfredo sauce! Then I get to go and watch my best friend's sister, who is practically my own sister, win another softball game! I have to work, but it is with the two people I love working with the most! Then I get to come home and have my best friend and her mother stay with me - the first people I have had stay at my house, since I've lived there! I have told them both about my place but they have never seen it since I have decorated and cleaned and got all situated. Dispite the argument with my father, it wasn't the first and I'm sure it won't be the last, I knew that today would be a good day. It is one more day of living and breathing and that makes it one more day of happiness.

Hot Dog

I'm going to focus on the dog part, less than the hot part, becuase I greatly miss my dog. She's a 16 year old Shetland Sheepdog/ Collie mix. We named her Sassy since she very closely resembles the famous tv dog - Lassie. When my mom and dad divorced in 2007 she went to permanently live with my dad, since my mom and I couldn't have pets at our apartment. I do not have a close relationship with my dad and therefore, don't often see Sassy anymore. I know that she's getting extremely ancient and I fear we will have to put her down soon. She has already started to go blind, deaf, and she has a bad case of arthritis that requires regular medication. Sassy was my companion for many years and it hurts me to no longer have her with me. I find that the company of another person, or even an animal, helps to transition into a new stage of life. Moving here to Springfield, I tried desperately to find a place that would allow me to have a dog, so that I would have some company, but I ended up settling for a nice place that I could not have any pets in. If I could have a dog, I would in a heartbeat, even though I can't necessarily afford it. The simple thought of having someone else with me in my apartment would give me a new feeling of security. Sassy was always a caring dog, but if someone came near our house, she would bark to warn us. When I was in middle school I often spent nights alone at my house, while my parents were at the local Elk's Lodge, and it always gave me comfort to know that if someone were to approach the house I would know because of Sassy.

Forgive vs. Forget vs. Memories

"Your actions may be forgiven but the past is something that can never be forgotten."
The old phrase 'forgive and forget' is something that has always perplexed me intelectually. It just has never made sense to me. The Dixie Chicks said it right in their song "Not Ready To Make Nice", "Forgive, sounds good; forget, I'm not sure I could." Actions that have harmful consequences are like memories in our brains, they are something that can never be erased. You may be able to forgive someone for stealing your money, however, you will never forget that action and therefore, never trust that person with money again. Memories are just something that will get stored in the back of your mind until another situation triggers that thought to return again to the forefront. You may forgive the drunk driver that paralyzed your child but everytime you see them you remember again the situation, it is never fully forgotten.

"Memories"
When most poeple think of memories they think of happy times they've had. Nobody's first thought when the word memory is said is a sad, tragic moment in their life. So, why can't a memory be something sad and tragic why does it have to be a happy time? In my opinion, a memory is a remembrance of a past event, it doesn't specify whether the event is good, sad, happy, mad, etc - it is simply just an event. Think of a memorial: it is put up to remember the happy times a person/group had, not the tragic death they faced. When you attend a funeral and you recieve a paper that says, "In memoriam:" with the person's name listed after, it is meant to signify that you will be remembering the happy times that person had in their life. As humans we tend to subconscienally block out the bad, even when maybe we shouldn't.

I believe: that common sense should be called uncommon sense now.

The use of common sense is virtually non-existent at this point in our lives and should be renamed uncommon sense. I have often been told that I am an 'old thinker' and view things with the perspective of someone who has been through many more years of life than I have, and thus is wise. However, I believe I just look at things in  a logical point of view, attempting to see all sides of the story, and then forming opinions. This contrasts to my fellow young primates who barely educate themselves and base their opinions on matters of like and dislike. Some people are just simply too stupid and ignorant to realize the mistake they are making upon their life. I believe you will never get anywhere in life unless you have common sense. If you have no common sense, you often make bad decisions: drinking, smoking, sex, drugs, illegal actions. However, those of us who actually step back and analyze situations and their consequences usually end up with a better outcome. People don't stop to think that their actions always come with consequences, whether they be good or bad. Also, that almost everything you do in life, in one way or another, affects someone else's life. Say you choose to call into work because you drank too much the night before - consequence: you get no money to pay the bills you owe, you have spent money on way too much alcohol, you feel disgustingly sick, and you have no idea where you are; affects: your manager now has to scramble to find someone to cover your shift, the person that covers said shift has to cancel all plans which may or may not be important. So the one small action of taking a drink of alcohol has now escalated into a massive mess of mishaps and mistakes that you cannot fix, unless you can time travel. Most people forget that you can't go back in time and change things, whatever you do is permanent. Your actions may be forgiven but the past is something that can never be forgot.

Drive: The Movie

I would like to preface this blog by saying, "No, there will be no spoilers released about the movie in this blog, simply opinions and observations."

I really only have one friend in town and that's Jenn. We went to culinary school at Franklin Tech (pre-tornado) and decided that we were both going to continue our education at the lovely OTC campus here in Springfield. So, we packed our things, and here we are. Anyways, we have a tuesday night tradition of going to half-price movies at the Hollywood Theater downtown on Campbell St. Last night was no different, other than having her tag along friend Jeremiah. We sat down to watch Drive, an intense, thrill seeking movie starring the ever gorgeous Ryan Gosling. I was excited to see this movie because it contained two perfect things: 1) Ryan Gosling 2) fast cars. However, I was very disappointed. Gosling plays an awkward character, speaking very few words. The movie started off extremely slow, with very little happening and plenty of awkward moments. However, about 45 minutes in the movie started to pick up, in a different way than I expected - it quickly turned to a murder scene. I had read some of the reviews about this movie and all of them said the movie had shining qualities and ravishing moments. Therefore, I entered this movie with high expectations; fast cars, and some romance, with all the qualities of a classic 80's style movie. Unlike my expectations Drive turned out to be awkward, with plenty of gore and blood, and very little romance or fast cars.

Unfortunately, my mother insisted on calling and complaining to me about a 6:45 phone conversation I had rang up the previous night. (I fell asleep talking to a friend who apparently felt it unecessary to end the phone call and eventually fell asleep as well) So, I was unable to see the last 40 minutes of the movie. According to Jenn and Jeremiah the end of the movie was just like the rest: awkward and disappointing.

I believe music can get you through any situation.

Music is more powerful than what people may think. What makes you feel a certain way when you're watching a movie? It's not the actors, and it's not the plot, often times it is the music. Would a scary scene with a masked man creeping up with an ax getting ready to kill a girl give you the same feeling if it was backed by cheery circus music? No. Would church feel the same if the choir didn't sing an uplifting song? No. Music intensifies the feeling we have in certain situations and can often alter our mood. When you can't express the words you have then turn to music lyrics, often writers have a better way of saying things than average people (though everyone can be a writer). Songs can also draw out feelings from a person. In our mind certain songs or lyrics can trigger memories from past events. Whenever I hear 'Amazing Grace' I am always taken back to a very close family friend's funeral. My best friend cannot listen to the song 'Jesus Take the Wheel' by Carrie Underwood because it reminds her of her uncle's funeral. However, if I listen to 'The ChaCha Slide' I'm transported to Keelie's skating rink and the wonderful memories I had with friends dancing to that song. Somewhere out in song land there is a song for every situation. For the time your boyfriend cheated on you, and the time your dog died, to the time you danced the night away with friends, and even the time you fell in love with your significant other. Music has been a huge part of my  family and for me it has always been something that I can rely upon. When my parents divorced and I felt like I had no one to turn to - music was there to guide me through. After the tornado hit I heard the song 'So Small' by Carrie Underwood and helped put things in perspective that what happen was not as bad as it could be, and that things would be okay. It has always been something for me to fall back upon when nothing else was there.

I believe...

I believe:
in myself
music can get you through any situation
every family is dysfunctional
hard times make you stronger
I can do great things
I can fly - I believe I can touch the sky
friends are the family you choose
school should not schedule any class earlier than 9 am, especially NOT on monday
I can be rich someday
some people have absolutely no common sense
that common sense should be called uncommon since it is not used commonly
my bed is the most comfortable thing in the world
no one should ever have to be without a home, food, water, and clothes
people can do great things
social media is disgusting and harmful to society
No Child Left Behind is a joke
politics have become more about money than helping our country
everyone should stand up for their opinions
people can be better than those who came before them
food is life
rainbows are a sign of good luck
my mother is my hero
there is nothing better than a funny movie
curling up in a warm blanket with hot chocolate is like being inside the womb again
beds should be made with heaters so that no one has to crawl into a cold bed
I really want to sleep right now
I can be an amazing pastry chef
I can own my own restaurant someday
my dad's girlfriend is the devil
God is watching over us
dogs are the best companions - next to humans
vending machines should be banned - and the person who made them should be tortured
checked pants should be illegal
marijuana is worse than people say it is

Camping and the toilet paper roll

I remember the summer of my sophomore year my best friend, Cassey Schulze, was dating a boy named Justin. He lived in a close town out in the woods on an open farm with his grandpa that he was taking care of at the time. Mulitple times during the summer we would go down to the pasture and camp next to the pond. We would go early in the day and set up our tent and get wood for the fire so that when we got there later that night we could just relax and have fun hanging out with friends. Now, to preface this coming story I have to tell you a small piece of information that you might not want to know. My best friend is the type of person that cannot go to the bathroom by herself. So, we were out camping one night, and of course came the moment when she had to pee. Justin suggested that I just drive her up to the house so that she didn't have to pee in a bush. However, Cassey insisted that she was not afraid of peeing in the bush. So off she hiked to a nearby tree, pulled down her pants and proceeded to use the restroom. When she was done she realized that one important piece of information had not crossed her mind - we had NO toilet paper. She screamed to me and asked if I had anything in my car that we could use (because I am the type of person that keeps EVERYTHING in my car). I scrambled looking for anything to use: a napkin from a fast food restaraunt, a rag that I no longer needed, anything that could be of assistance to my best friend. My magical car that had once contained everything I thought I needed had failed not only me, but Cassey as well. Eventually, she opted to use the classic Girl Scouts leaf method. However, from that moment on, we always included toilet paper in our camping supply list.

Buttons

Buttons aren't very inspring to me, however if I had to pick one thing it would be the varying types, sizes, and colors. It is possible to have the same type of button more than once, but often you have a button for every need. If you were making a suit for work you wouldn't want to use a button that was a bright red cherry, you would want to use a simplistic, sophisticated round black button. On the other hand, if you were making a clown costume for a child for halloween, you may want to use the bright red button. One button in the jar I see that I keep looking at has a pearl as a center stone and is surrounded by a gold chain. I'm not sure why I keep going back to this button in particular but obviously something about it triggers my subconscious. I can imagine it being sewn on an antique dress or simply just collected in a jar. I feel like this button contains a story inside its nooks and crannies. It was something that was passed down from generation to generation as a keepsake in a family. The women who held it were not always wealthy but they were very wise with their words. The grandmother or great grandmother found this button while she worked as a seamstress in an old English town. The day she found it was a particularly hard and cold one and the button somehow gave her a sense of contentment and joy. She suddenly realized that the gold links were like members of a family intertwined and all held together by a similar bond - the center pearl. This reminded her that the women, like her, in her family were the center pearl that held everything together. She passed down this button to continue to remind the women of her family that they were the piece of their family that held everything else together.

My Type: ESFJ

Based on the results of my Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, my type is an ESFJ - Extraversion, Sensing, Feeling, Judging. These people are generally dependable, talkative, practical, organized, and committed to fulfilling their obligations. Overall, these terms apply specifically to my personality. As far as learning goes, ESFJ's require a structured learning process and environment, prefer to study in a group, and desire to hear information that is practical. Personally, I would much rather study alone that in a group. I don't require a structured learning environment but I do like things to be clarified, if assignments are left wide open I am often left wondering what to do. For me to fully understand something I have to know why the answer becomes so, or it won't make sense in my head. As far as writing goes, ESFJ's prefer to write about personal experience, discuss their ideas before beginning to write, and need to intentionally analyze a topic. It is definitely easier to write about personal experiences and emotions rather than technical topics. I usually do plan out what I am going to write in my brain before starting to write, however, techniques such as webs and pre-writing dont usually help me. I only found one major flaw in my type analysis: procrastination. The analysis says that people of my type usually avoid procrastination, but I always procrastinate! I have tried all sorts of different tricks and tips to avoid it but I just cannot help it, it is my downfall. Overall, I think my type analysis was a fairly accurate description of my personality.